Leave out all the rest
by Jonna Aviva
Summary: Kelly Taylor POV story. Starts somewhere during season 3, largely AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Picture one - Falling apart**

Playing with the still packed razor blade in her hand, Kelly couldn't stop wondering how easy it would be. With her mom and Mel otherwise occupied, they wouldn't find her until the morning, maybe a bit later...by then it would be too late, she would be gone for good.

Staring at it again, she threw it into the corner. She was coward to do anything like that. Maybe some people would appreciate it, few names immediately came to her mind.

Would they miss her? This question kept hunting her and she couldn't figure out the answer. Her mother, father, boyfriend, friends...would anyone even miss her? Her mother had a new partner and a new daughter that occupied her most of the time. Her father...he never cared, last time didn't even had the decency to let her know he cancelled his visit letting some stupid assistant call her telling her how sorry he was. Dylan... He told her he choose her, he wanted to be with her...but did he really love her? Probably not...the second she'd be gone, he'd be back with Brenda. How it should be...her subconscious added. Her friends? They'd forget about her, not right away but they would the same way they forgot about Scott Scanlon the shy guy who used to drag along with David, she was surprised she still even remembered his name.

Maybe they wouldn't even notice she'd be gone. Up until now no one noticed how unhappy she was. If they looked better they would see it. They'd notice the emptiness in her eyes, the longing for love and being loved she felt ever since she could remember. Real love, not just the physical one...that was what she and Dylan had...physical love. The physical attraction was what got them together and what kept them together, she was no longer fooling herself. She thought it was love at first. Maybe it was time to take a bow, walk away and let the royal couple reign again.

She has been in love once, but he told her she was like a sister. Freaking sister, during the years she heard many insults coming her way, this one hurt. She knew he never meant to hurt her, there was no maliciousness in Brandon Walsh. He had no idea what his words during the Spring dance have done to her. He had no idea that with a simple sentence he had blown up all the air castles she's been building. He had no idea, no one had.

Maybe she should talk to a shrink, that's something her mother would do. Whatever happened to you, you just called your shrink, like he could miraculously solve all your problems. What would she tell him? That she wanted to be loved? That she wanted people to value her for more than just her looks? She looked at the razor blade that was now laying on the floor near the window. It would be too easy, standing up she picked it from the floor her fingertip running over the side of the packing where the sharp blade was. Without another thought she slipped the package into her desk.

It was time to stop feeling sorry for herself. Time to go out and win her own fights, get rid of the people in her life that made her unhappy. It was time to feel happy again. With that thought she slipped under the warm sheets, falling asleep almost immediately.

 **Picture two - Sex with the ex**

"Oh fuck! Dylan!" Kelly screamed as the orgasm ripped through her making her lose sense and direction. She felt his hot sweaty body land on her trying to recover as well, even with lack of love their sex was mind-blowing. Trying to catch her breath she moaned again when he had withdrawn from her, rolling off the used condom and throwing it on the floor before he rested on his back breathing heavily. Oh, so romantic.

She came there an hour ago ready to break up with him, but they didn't get that far yet. It still made her wonder if this actually counted as sex with the ex. If it did, heck she was going to miss him.

 **Picture three - No regrets**

Walking out of the front door she felt free for the first time in months. What went on inside wasn't pretty, scratch it, the sex was awesome, the break up afterwards not so much. As ugly as it was, it had to be done. She was sure that in not so distant future he'll share the same sentiments.

They were not soul mates and they were not destined to be together. She could see it now wondering how she could ever thought otherwise. Summer fling...yeah, maybe...but that's where it should have ended before everything just got complicated. She hated complications, going with flow was much more her thing.

Getting into the car she thought for a second about all the pain she inflected on Brenda. They used to be best friends, now they rarely talked anymore...no wonder...she took away her boyfriend. Now she dumped him. She was not expecting a thank you card...but felt a small satisfaction that at least at some point she walked away knowing their relationship had no future. Maybe Brenda and Dylan will get together again...that would be a good thing, she decided.

Turning the key in ignition she drove away, closing another chapter in her life.

 **Picture four - Count your losses**

This was a novelty, Brenda Walsh screaming at the top of her lungs in the filled hallway of West Beverly High...the subject...Dylan McKay. She couldn't remember so much rage even after she and Dylan told her about their fling, it felt ironical that it was coming now, once she walked away from him.

She always knew Brenda had a flair for drama and today she was at her best. Only half listening what her former best friend had to say, she stood there a smirk plastered on her face, probably the one thing that made Brenda level up her performance.

Once she walked away from Dylan's house previous afternoon, it was clear the news will hit everyone sooner or later. But she had to admit the speed had surprised her. News traveled fast and the rage just confirmed that even "after Kelly" Dylan and Brenda were going to do just fine. They had to, there was no other outcome in her mind.

When it came to her...she will just count her losses and move on. Wasn't it what a royal bitch always did? If you asked anyone standing there they would whole heartily agree, although they had no idea who she was. Not wanting to listen to anything more Brenda had to say, she slammed the door of her locker closed and moved through the small crowd that gathered there, heading for another class.

 **Picture five - Heartbreak hotel**

He was heartbroken...the fact still captivated her even a week after she ended things with him. She never allowed to admit to herself that he was with her because he actually loved her. Not the sex, not her face, not her body...he loved HER. The whole concept so unknown to her.

Why would he do that? Now that she knew, she felt guilty, she hurt him when all she wanted was set him free. When did she became the same person as her parents? Manipulative, selfish, heartless...she never wanted to be like that. Has the ever going search for love made her numb to it? Was that even possible?

Feeling her chest tighten she opened the draw pulling the razor blade out again. How would that feel? Would it hurt? She shook her head, this did not feel right. Returning it back to its earlier place she closed the draw looking at her pale tear streaked face in the mirror.

She felt blank...empty...scared...confused... Looking at the picture in the mirror once again she ran...away from everything.

 **Picture six - Someone to lean on**

She had no idea how she got there. She was just running for what felt like hours before she ended in the corner box of Peach Pit. Now it was already after the closing hours and she was watching Brandon as he tidied the place. In between his work he sat there listening to her. She told him everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. He listened...not judging her, just trying to understand the many faces of Kelly Taylor.

She couldn't remember a guy listening to her for that long...usually they were only after one thing. This was different...he was different...if only he did not think about her as his sister.

Sighting she dipped the straw back into her chocolate milkshake missing the worried look Brandon gave her. Turning the straw in circles she allowed herself to dream how different the things would be if they actually got together during the Spring dance. There would be no Dylan...no heartache...she would be still friends with Brenda...this whole mess would have never happened. But none of that mattered now, she was not able to turn back time and do things differently and moreover it was not possible to change someone's feelings. She sighed again looking into her glass like it could miraculously solve all her issues.

"I'll drive you home." Came Brandon's voice. She nodded absently letting go of her milkshake, the confusion she felt when she run away from there hours ago remained, but at least she learned that there was one guy ready to listen to her.

 **Picture seven - Grounded**

She was grounded. Heck, she had no idea Jackie Taylor even had that word in her vocabulary. This meant that she actually cared, which was a novelty. Maybe her newest marriage actually had some positive effect on her, that would be a nice change. Flopping down on the bed she buried her head in the pillows. What was she going to do with so much time? No TV, no phone, no dates, no friends...she smirked upon the last one...nevertheless this was going to be a long week.

Grabbing the newest edition of Seventeen magazine from her bed table she browsed through it aimlessly. _How to get a guy to like you_ , that title cached her attention. Reading through the contents she laughed loudly, that was something that would work with guys like Steve Sanders. Throwing the magazine on the floor near the bed she rested on her back staring into the ceiling.

She was tired of guys like Steve or Dylan. Scratch Dylan, she bit her lip, he was different. Despite all his unpredictability and moodiness he was not using her and she was not using him even thought it might have seem otherwise. Yet, she figured out she'd rather be alone than in a relationship with someone whom she didn't love with all her heart. He deserved better, they both did.

Slowly her thoughts wandered to Brandon, the boy scout, gentleman...the complete opposite of Steve and Dylan. Three years back boys like him were not even on her radar...now she couldn't get him out of her head. Did that mean that she was changing? Valuing herself more? Whatever it meant he was constantly in her thoughts, especially after their last night talk.


	2. Chapter 2

**Picture eight - Vicious circle**

Her whole life she's been turning in vicious circles no matter how much she tried to break free she always slipped right back into it. She held onto this stupid idea that something might have changed...his feelings might have changed...but Brandon let her down gently again. So here she was, back in the familiar bed with Dylan's arms wrapped around her as he slept, just weeks after she broke up with him.

She had no idea if and how long this was going last...she cared about him...he was one of her best friends...the physical attraction was there...but there was something telling her they were not good for each other in the long run. Yet, once again they gravitated together when the chance arose...she tried hard to stay clear of him, but it was almost impossible when they shared the same circle of friends. One day she simply lost that fight, letting him sweep her of her feet and carry her into his bedroom to get his wicked way with her.

She felt his lips on the bare skin of her shoulder letting her know he was up again. Turning around she was lost in his eyes, his lips finding hers seconds later, his tongue dancing on her lips asking for permission which she happily granted. His hand running down her spine caressing her, before slipping on her butt giving it a gentle squeeze. Without much effort he dragged her on top of him, their lips barely parting. She trailed small kisses down his neck and collar bone, feeling his hands again slipping lower to caress her inner thighs. Lowering herself she felt him waiting for her, before they entered into the vicious circle together, again.

 **Picture nine - Pay my dues**

Holding the sink with both hands she stared into the mirror. If she could she would slap herself for the carelessness she displayed, now she was going to pay for it. Waiting for the confirmation she repeated her mother's words, _always protect yourself_. Watching her pale face in the mirror she blinked a few times, she always did...except this one time, or more like one night...hell, that's what having sex with Dylan McKay does to you.

Hearing the timer beeping she closed her eyes suddenly too scared to look at the test. She was sure the two lines will be there, she was not stupid...she was already a week late...she was never late...this was the only possible explanation. She was in trouble...they both were. She was not even eighteen...Jackie will flip out...Dylan will walk away the moment he'll find out...that's what guys always do...her father walked away...one day Mel will walk away from her mother too...it was just a matter of time. She was not ready to be a mother...and definitely not ready to do it alone...what could she offer to a child, being a child herself? The thoughts just kept running through her head, opening her eyes she focused on the test and two lines that were there staring back at her.

Packing the white sleek stick back into the box she threw it into the bin, turning the cold water on she splashed some on her face, drying it with a white towel. What was she going to do?

 **Picture ten - I feel love**

Sitting in the waiting room of the free clinic she played with the ring on her finger nervously. No one knew what she was about to do...the fact that she was pregnant, carrying a little human being under her heart, never passed her lips. This was the right decision for everyone...she repeated this sentence in her head over and over again.

Glancing sideways she spotted a girl her age, maybe a bit younger. Her swollen belly a clear sign that she made a different choice months ago...she wanted to walk over and ask how did it feel? Carrying your own child.

Child...she felt awe. She never thought about it as a child...during the few days she knew about its existence it was a problem, mistake...but never a child. Her child. Dylan's child. She was about to take it away from both of them. The tears were suddenly burning in her eyes, grabbing her bag, her vision clouded she rushed out of the waiting room just as the nurse appeared there and called her name. She couldn't do this to her child.

 **Picture eleven - Will you be there for us?**

Back and forth she moved on the swing at the old playground, feeling the care freeness as she did there as a child. Running away from the clinic was an easy step, now she had to take the next one. She could hide it for a few more weeks, with some luck for a few months, but at some point she had to face them and tell them the truth...Dylan, her mother, their friends.

Bringing the swing to a halt she rested her head against the cold metal the feeling of loneliness washing over her again. Hearing steps coming her way she didn't bother to turn around, she knew who it was. Feeling his lips on the crown of her head she enjoyed the tenderness, for all she knew it might have been one of the last signs of affection she was ever going to receive from him.

Coming to her view she could barely hold his gaze, she knew she was about to lose him. Despite that she told him everything from the moment she saw those two lines until the afternoon at the clinic. Closing her eyes she rested her head back against the cold metal chain waiting to hear his steps as he was leaving her, leaving them...she couldn't bear to see that... The silence that followed made her open her eyes again, she saw him standing at the same place as seconds ago, his eyes watching her intently.

He reached her in a few steps, wrapping his arms around her. It was not a promise, but he was not running away either. Not yet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Picture twelve - Girl talk**

Applying the red lipstick on, she listened to the chatter in the girls' restroom…clothes, make-up, boys…the usual first world problems of teenage girls. It felt so distant and yet so close. She looked down at the summery dress that she was wearing, perfect for covering her growing bulge so far. Pressing her lips together her eyes shifted to her pale face in the reflection of the mirror…her make-up flawless again. Boys… she wished she knew where she and Dylan stood right now…she had no idea. Taking one last look in the mirror she grabbed her books and bag and headed out.

Speaking of the devil…she felt his arm drape around her shoulders as soon as the door closed behind her. Weeks passed since she told him about the baby…they never discussed it afterwards…no commitment. Yet, he was still there moving like her shadow, although never saying it out loud, making sure she was okay. She couldn't figure out where they were heading...somehow she knew that he wasn't ready for this, just as she didn't feel ready to parent a child...but at the same time, he did not leave her...she had no idea what that meant...feeling confused.

 **Picture thirteen - Never see you again...**

She could hear the yelling, distant sounds of broken glass, before the front door shut violently and silence filled the house. Mel wasn't a keeper...just as all those countless guys before him he came, saw and conquered before he let her mom down...making her wonder for millionth time if she was setting herself up for a similar route.

Her hand slipped on her rounded stomach that was hiding under her oversized shirt, soon she'd be able to feel the baby...yet it's grandmother still had no idea. She was sure that Jackie would freak out... She never expected much support coming from her and with the current drama with Mel that was in full swing she couldn't bring herself to add to it and tell her about the baby.

Lost in her thoughts she nearly jumped up when the door to her room flew open. Her mother yelling at the top her lungs, holding the envelope with ultrasound pictures that she forgot in the kitchen. Shit... Finding out about your grandchild right after you have thrown your soon to be ex-husband out of the house was not going to end good.

She had gone through this scene in her head thousand times, it always ended with tears, angst and hurt on both sides...yet, when the time came she felt nothing. Numb... the flood of accusations passed her leaving her cold, until the final sentence came...I never want to see you again. Staring at her mother she blinked few times until the words fully sank in, grabbing her car keys and jacket from the bed she ran away from her mother...the only real family she ever had...

 **Picture fourteen - It's not what it looks like**

Killing the engine of her car she sat there still looking at the house in front of her. She's been driving around the neighborhood for the past hour...no purpose...no direction... before she ended here, right in front of his house. Complete circle, she smirked...the same house where the baby was conceived.

Getting out of the house she made her way to the door...hesitating for a moment before she knocked and waited. She could see the surprise on his face when he opened it, they never talked about her coming over that evening...looking inside and seeing the brown haired girl she understood his expression a bit better...turning around she ran again.

She could hear him yelling after her...telling her it was not what it looked like...but that didn't stop her. Jumping back into her car she drove away, the wheels spinning in mad rhythm...the tears in her eyes preventing her to see what was about to come...the loud bang as her car crashed followed by excruciating pain and finally the liberating darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Picture fifteen – Droplets of numbness**

The droplet of clear liquid spun through the tube, into her arm...her veins...followed by another one in a steady rhythm. Her eyes fixed to those droplets completely ignoring the guy that was seated in a chair next to her bed for the past ten minutes. He asked her how she felt...she had no idea…she felt nothing…only numbness, in her soul and in her body. The droplets, falling through the tube in repetitive intervals…she was not able to concentrate on anything else and to tell the truth she didn't want to…

Her mother…she could see the guilt on her face whenever she sat on the chair which was now occupied by the gray haired man…telling her she did not mean a word she said that evening days ago...she was sorry… Dylan, he was sitting there just last evening when he thought she was asleep…telling her nothing happened that day…and...he did not blame her for losing their baby. Their baby…a little girl…it was only than when she felt something, incredible sadness and pain. The wet droplets now rolling down her cheeks, mourning what could have been bringing at least some feeling into her soul while her body remained numb.

 **Picture sixteen – Like a shadow**

The warm Californian sun was falling on her pale skin, warming her body, heart and soul. Ever since she was able to go outside, at least some of her dark thoughts disappeared. Grabbing the wheels with her hands she moved forward along the concrete path that was crossing the serene gardens…allowing people like her to move outside. She used to pinch her legs in a hope she'd be able to feel something. Although the doctors were sure she'd feel them again and walk again…no one could tell when…until that moment will come, this was her reality.

Raising her eyes she saw him standing at the end of the pathway, waiting for her…over the past few weeks this became their little ritual…not even her mother, Dylan or any other of her friends visited her as often as he did, even if it has been just for a few minutes between school and his shift at Peach Pit he was there nearly every day. He was the one who was there when she was at her absolute bottom exhausted from the extensive therapy that for the longest time brought no visible results, the one who held her when she cried thinking that she couldn't go on anymore, he was the first person she called when she felt her legs being cold after weeks without feeling anything...such a generally unimportant thing that meant the world to her...he was always there...her shadow.

Bringing the wheelchair to a halt as she reached him she stared into his baby blue eyes that stared right back at her giving her more power and willingness to go on as their owner ever realized.

 **Picture seventeen - Keep holding on**

The tears were streaming down her cheeks as she moved forward one step at a time, carefully placing one leg in front of the other...hoping the pain would disappear already and those damn legs would cooperate with her like they did before. The distance was short, not even ten meters yet she felt like she had already climbed the Everest that day. Coming to the end of the wooden railings that helped her hold her weight she collapsed into the wheelchair that he held prepared for her a beaming smile on his face. His cheerful voice letting her know it was her best time, under two minutes, she was now quicker than a snail. She relaxed when the pain disappeared, laughing together with him, letting him know it still felt like ages to her.

Their eyes met both of them holding the gaze, it wasn't the first time in the past days or weeks that she felt the attraction, so undeniable. It was not like she could act on it much anyway bound to a wheelchair...he made it clear how he felt about her twice before and there were definitely no romantic feelings involved. Her eyes fell into her lap, there was no point in torturing herself...she was glad to have a friend like him in her life, maybe it was better this way.

The shadow that fell on her face made her look up again, his soft lips brushing over hers without any warning. Pulling away slightly she could see him stare at her waiting for some kind of reaction, maybe surprising even himself with his actions. The surprise that was showing on her face was quickly replaced by a smile, leaning forward her lips catched his again the butterflies going wild in her stomach...maybe...she was not like his sister anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Picture eighteen - End of story**

She looked at him as he sat in the chair next to her bed, contemplating how to tell him that this was it, end of their story...this time for good. Like their baby, their relationship couldn't survive her accident either. She wondered if he saw it coming...looking back at the weeks that passed after that day...she definitely could, and it had nothing to do with Brandon and the kiss they shared. She and Dylan grew apart...he rarely visited her, not that she blamed him. How much fun can you have with someone who is first bound to a bed, later to a wheelchair trying to learn to stand on their own feet again?

Studying his face she wondered if they could have made it if the accident never happened. Was their relationship strong enough to survive a baby? Probably not...scratch probably...it wasn't...she knew it...at some point one of them would have walked away...all this time she was just fooling herself.

Breaking the silence that filled the room, she told him finally. No sugar coating. She could see the relief on his face as her words washed over him...assuring her that this was a right decision and she wasn't the only one who has reached the end of the rope. One story was ending and another one beginning, their roles changing from lovers to friends again. No regrets.

 **Picture nineteen - Feels like the first time**

The butterflies in her stomach were back again as the nurse helped her into the wheelchair. Dressed in a simple red dress, her golden locks falling freely over her shoulders...she was satisfied with her efforts. She could sense he was up to something as soon as he showed up that afternoon placing a mysterious white bag into her hands. He later confessed her mother packed it after the doctor agreed that he could take her out that evening, bringing her back before nine. Felt like her first date...that thought brought a smile to her lips...in the end it was going to be a first date, their first date.

Passing the mirror she took one last glance at herself before the nurse opened the door for her and she spun the wheels moving outside from the privacy of her room. She could see his face lit up as soon as he saw her...standing in the hallway leaning against the ugly green colored wall waiting for her. Moving towards her he leaned down placing a kiss on her cheek, he told her how beautiful she looked...such a corny comment... coming from him, she felt her cheeks burn.

She thought she had all of this behind her, first date, first boyfriend, first kiss, first sex...not necessarily in that order...yet, being with him everything felt new and unknown to her. Their first stolen kiss...she secretly loved to think about it...it was perfect...their first date...well the result was yet to be determined...but the feelings that run through her body since the moment he asked her out were telling her she won't be disappointed. The rest will come along in due time.

Placing her hands back on the wheels she moved forward with Brandon on her side, eager to see where this next step in their relationship will bring them.

 **Picture twenty - Breaking free**

Standing with the help of crutches she looked for the last time around the room that has been her home for the past six months. She was breaking free...a bitter sweet moment...the room holding so many memories, some she wanted to forget and some she'll cherish forever. The bed...adorned with depressing white sheets...when they brought her there all she could do was helplessly lay there...now she was standing on her feet again...she still felt pain more often than not...she still had to use crutches...she still got tired when standing for a longer time...but ever so slowly her legs were cooperating with her...the past six months giving her a lecture in hope, trust and friendship.

Her eyes fell on the chair standing by the wall, her family and friends finding their place there whenever they visited...some more often than others...bringing distraction into what would have been very lonely days in this "prison". Was she a prisoner here? To some degree she was...a prisoner in her own body and soul. What she learned here was to trust others and herself...she learned that there was nothing she couldn't do if she put her heart and desire into it...and most of all...she learned that love usually comes when you're expecting it the least...a pair of blue eyes that were staring at her from the doorway being the living proof of that. Taking one last look over her shoulder she walked outside...this room was her past...the future awaiting her behind the door...he was her future.

 **Picture twenty-one - Us**

Her eyes firmly closed, laying in his bed she run her finger tips up and down his arm…too scared that if she opened them all of this would turn out to be just a dream...again. They've been together for over three months...yet, sometimes she still had to pinch herself to be sure that it was true. Three glorious months...where he always had her back…where he loved her despite all the obstacles...supported her through everything.

She felt him shuffle readjusting his hold on her, his naked body pressed into hers as he slept peacefully. During the past months they have kissed…a lot…she loved his kisses…the taste of him…a hint of chocolate and pure Brandon.

They never moved it any further...up until that evening. She often wondered what he was going to be like as a lover...now she could tell he did not disappoint …attentive, gentle and passionate at the same time. She still got goose bumps thinking about the events that transpired earlier that evening…the feeling of adrenaline rushing through her veins when she realized what they were about to do…mixed with the worry how he would react to the scars the accident left her with…but he had been amazing...kissing every single one of them...telling her they were just a reminder of how lucky they have been. They were lucky after all...if the accident never happened...there'd be no "us"...just Brandon, and Kelly two independent entities.


	6. Chapter 6

**Picture twenty-two - Facing the reality**

Looking around the hall filled with students in front of her she wondered once again if this was a good idea...if she was even ready for this...the anxiety was probably oozing through her pores because as on cue a pair of blue eyes was watching her again their owner giving her a reassuring smile as he squeezed her hand while navigating them through the mass of people. She felt her body relax.

She still had no idea how she got accepted into college missing part of her senior year...but she did, so here she was standing in this huge courtyard feeling like a five year old on the first day of kindergarten. Scratch it...five year olds don't feel that kind of anxiety...they don't know what it is to be judged by your friends or strangers...or at least rarely realize it.

The summer with Brandon has been amazing...well not the therapy she still had to attend nearly every day...but the rest of it was. They slipped into this nice routine where he acted as her designated chauffeur driving her to and from the therapy in the mornings, working in the Peach Pit in the afternoons while she spent some time with her mother and baby sister and the two of them spending the evenings and nights together at his parents' house. She expected his father to cut it off rather quickly...but he never did which surprised her up to this day...especially when she knew how scrupulous he had been when it came to Brenda and Dylan back in the day.

Speaking of the devil that played the major part in the anxiety she felt that day...raising her eyes she saw him watching them...she felt the urge to let go of Brandon's hand, but what would be the point? They were done...the past...she saw her future with someone else and there was no point in trying to hide that...breathing in she tapped on Brandon's shoulder letting him know of his presence...it was time to face her demons...the sooner they'll get it over with the better.

 **Picture twenty-three - My home, my castle**

The white walls were awakening some of the memories she wanted to forget...yet she couldn't stop staring at them hoping that she'll make many happier memories between these white walls. This was it...their first apartment they rented together...it was not much but enough for two students. They may have been both freshly nineteen and together just for a few months...yet when Brandon asked her if she wanted to move in with him she did not hesitate for a moment.

He loved to tease her about the lightning speed in which she said yes after he nervously asked her while they were sitting on his bed at his parents' house one evening...supposedly studying. Looking at the alternatives it was a no brainer...living with her mother was just like waiting for another disaster to happen...while his parents were welcoming, the question was when they will cross the thin line when they'd feel that their hospitality was being misused...besides, living in a house with his parents and childhood friend was not exactly an ideal situation either...there was no other solution in her mind. They needed their own space...privacy...freedom...place to make their own decisions...mistakes... place to fight, laugh and cry together...now they had it.

Feeling his arms wrapped around her and his lips finding their way down her neck she felt happy...this was their home, their castle...she closed her eyes hoping this feeling would stay with her forever.

 **Picture twenty-four - New York, Paris, Tokyo**

Yes, the happiness lasted for the next four months...staring blankly at the man in front of her she wondered how she'll explain this to her boyfriend...was there even going to be anything to explain...was she going to say yes to the offer? It was her mother's world...she never wanted to be part of it...now when the chance arouse there were doubts creeping into her mind...little things that were trying to draw her in a world that was so slippery and unpredictable. She could travel the world...see all the places she dreamed about...meet new people...there was a certain level of excitement in modeling world after all. The price she'd have to pay would be high thought...leave the school... her friends...spend most of her time on the road...and most of all, leave Brandon and all they had behind in a hope he'd be still waiting when she returned.

Looking at the man in his early forties dressed in expensive clothes...everything about him screaming money...she could say just one word...the price was not worth it. Grabbing the bag that she deposed on the floor twenty minutes earlier she walked out of the door knowing she'd never become the supermodel her mother would love her to be...but she also knew that she had someone special on her side and losing him was not worth it.

 **Picture twenty-five - Pink glasses on again**

The excitement was running through her veins when she walked inside the posh restaurant not surprised by his choice of a venue. Bill Taylor would never settle for anything else. They were not in contact for what felt like eternity...not even after the accident...now he was back in town, willing to work on their relationship or so he said.

Waiting at the table she tapped her fingertips on the white perfectly ironed tablecloth her mind in overdrive. She told Brandon she was heading to visit her mother...too ashamed to tell him the truth...the truth that she was naive enough to put her pink glasses back on and blindly believe in every single word her notoriously absent father said over the phone. Maybe...maybe this time he really meant it...she had to cling to that hope...she had to right? He wouldn't let her down...not again.

Forty minutes later and the place across from her was still empty...her thoughts swirling in different direction. The pink shades that prevented her from seeing the reality before were thrown in the corner...broken...damaged...unworthy...just how she felt. That's how he made her feel countless times before, yet she couldn't stop herself from letting him do that to her again and again...clinging to the hope that one day everything would change...that he would really care about her. She felt the tears burning in the corner of her eyes...naive...she was so naive. Just as she stood up ready to leave the restaurant the waiter walked to her table, letting her know her father was not able to make it due to some unexpected business meeting, but he would of course cover the bill completely and make it up to her. Without a word she walked outside...promising herself this was the last time...she would never ever allow him to make her feel that way she felt tonight.

 **Picture twenty-six - Storm**

The tears...they were now freely rolling down her cheeks when she listened to the lecture that Brandon was giving her. She didn't need it...not now...all she needed was for him to hold her tight and tell her he loved her. It was not coming...not this time...the usually calm, reasonable and collected Brandon Walsh was gone...and all that was left was the man that stood in front of her...telling her she should have seen this coming...that her father was not going to change or care about her the way she wanted and needed him to.

More tears...she wanted them to stop...stop feeling sorry for herself...stop mourning something that was never there...they just kept coming...all the pain she felt flooding outside on their wings. She wanted him to understand why she kept trying...why she let her father hurt her over and over again...why she held onto the dream of a happy family that she nurtured in her mind for so long...and most of all she wanted him to understand that this was the last time...that she would never allow him to do this to her again.

Standing in the middle of their tiny living room...her face tear stroked, his face all red from the anger...she finally got what she needed...his understanding. Feeling his strong arms around her body she felt secure again...melting into his embrace when she heard him say those three little words to her...unlike when they came from her father...she knew Brandon meant every single one of them. Proving it on every step and even in their latest fight...the storm was gone...the skies clear and blue again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Picture twenty-seven - Scars**

Sitting on the shore all alone she watched her friends as yet another water fight erupted...the wind blowing their happy laughter in her direction. Looking down at the mauve beach top that she was wearing over the pair of black bikini she felt her mood sinking again. She should be there...having fun with them...yet she couldn't. Acutely aware of the scars on her back and stomach she was not ready to let them see her like that.

Was it petty? Yes, it certainly was...but she couldn't help herself...even many months after the accident she still had to battle her own mind every time Brandon had to see them...no matter how many times he told her she was beautiful and the scars were a part of her identity...a reminder of the battle she had to go through to be the person she was now...no matter how long they were together...she just hated that he had to see her like that...petty indeed.

How could she let her friends see her like that if she still had issues to let the person she trusted the most see them? Hell...most of the time they made love in complete darkness so she would be comfortable...she hated that as well...she hated she couldn't look into his eyes...see the look of complete satisfaction on his face. She hated her body...once again...even though she knew perfectly well there was no reason to...never was. It made her wonder how the hell she even considered the idea of modeling few weeks ago...another fail of judgment on her side.

The shadow falling on her made her look up, seeing the droplets of water sliding down his body...his hand outstretched towards her. She felt the panic rise again...yet she knew she had to do this for her and for him as well...she couldn't drag them both back into her circle of nothingness that she lived in just a short year ago...taking his hand he pulled her up watching as she dragged the top over her head letting it fall on the blanket she occupied seconds ago...her pale skin glistened in the afternoon sun as she stood there lost and insecure...pulling her in for a hug he ran his fingertips over the long and lean scar that ran down her spine...whispering the words she heard him say countless times before...but really needed to hear this one last time. Pressing her lips against his she thanked him quietly, taking his hand as they both ran into the water towards their friends.

She wasn't the only one scarred after all...they all were...by their parents, choices, life...while she carried her scars also on the outside they remained hidden by the others...but they were there...and, just like she learned to walk again...she was going to learn to carry them proudly.

 **Picture twenty-eight - You never walk into the same river twice**

Her head pounded...the bright sunshine blinding her vision...she buried her head further into the pillow before she tensed...opening her eyes wide she started at the dark blue and white sheets...this was not their bed. What the hell has she done the previous night?!

She felt her stomach tighten...as her mind tried to recollect the events of the previous night...the memories flooding back...the fight with Brandon...she storming out of their apartment in fury...a wild party at one of the sorority houses...yet she had no idea what the hell was she doing in Dylan McKay's bed and how she got there.

Panic...it was all she felt...they didn't...she didn't...running the hands down the sides of her body she finally let out the breath she didn't even know she was holding...she was dressed...means...hopefully...pushing the duvet aside she jumped out of the bed...there was only one person that could fill the blanks...unless...unless he was in similar state as her. Falling back on the bed she closed her eyes...what did she do?! How could she...after everything.

 **END OF PART 1**


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